What Is a Great Husband?

He agrees with you about stuff he doesn’t care about.

“What was that? Your best friend judged you for getting a sitter that wasn’t vetted by six different people and the FBI. How… judgmental. Yes, I mean it!”

He makes you feel needed.

“Where are the spoons? Okay. Where’s the milk? Okay. Hey, have you seen my camping flashlight?”

He makes you feel wanted.

“Fat butt? No way. Bring that butt right over here for some loving. Yes, I am being serious. Come on, please do it.”

He takes your side against his mom (sometimes).

“Mom, she does work. Taking care of the kids is work. Mom, come on. Hey, are those the cookies I love in that Tupperware?”

He’s always there in a crisis.

“You need me to come home early because you have horrible cramps and the kids are being demons and your mom was rude to you on the phone? Um, well— OKAY OKAY don’t threaten me."

He always makes you laugh.

“Hey, I was thinking we should start inviting my mom over more than once a week for dinner… Why are you laughing at me? I’m serious.”

He makes you feel like a princess.

“Madison, doesn’t Mommy look beautiful in that dress? You’re lucky you look like her. Hopefully you’re a little less wild in college– WHAT? It was a joke. Five-year-olds don’t understand anything.”

He compares you favorably to other women.

“Hey, Mark’s wife won’t let him go bowling one night a week. How controlling. You would never be like that. Yes, I said one night a week. What do you mean, ‘maybe every other’?”

He loves the kids.

“Come on, Joshie, swing for the fences! Did you catch that? We have a major leaguer here! Oh hey, I think he pooped. Want to change him while I … okay fine, stop looking at me like that.”

He loves you.

“I spent all month looking for this watch because it has a second hand for time-outs and it’s your favorite color. The kids helped me pick it out and drew you this card. I love you!”

Now don’t you feel all nice and romantic? Maybe there’s time to … oh, I hear the kids waking up. Never mind.