So. Many. Likes.
No matter what you put on Facebook, it gets a "Like" from them -- and usually inside of three minutes. Every article, re-post, photo, and status: Like, like, like, all the Likes.
Who The Hell Is This Person? Oh, Right
When you get a Friend Request and it takes you a moment to realize it's someone random you see in your day, or someone you haven't even thought about in years -- yup, you've got a stalker. If they have no reason to Friend you... nothing good comes from that.
You Wake Up To 37 Picture Likes And Comments
That moment in the morning when you look at the computer and there's a pile of notifications from the same person. She liked this photo, commented on that one, and an entire spree of likes and comments behind it. It's always overnight for some reason, too.
Messages And DM's Start Showing Up Completely Out Of Nowhere
Here's Ms Random Person who just friended you, and you're getting messages asking how your day went. I don't know you like that, lady.
They Post Random Crap On Your Wall For No Discernable Reason
Why is this person posting a meme of a cat with a balloon on my wall? In fact, why are they posting anything?
To see if you'll respond. Which is not at all creepy.
You're Getting Tagged -- In Selfies
You're clearly not in this photo, seeing as it's a selfie. The emphasis on self. Yet for some reason, you're tagged in it. It doesn't make sense, but what about stalkers makes sense anyway?
Check In Somewhere And They Claim They Saw You There
That's when you simply throw in the towel on checking in places. You can never be too safe.
Every Third Tweet Gets A RT Within 45 Seconds -- From Them
Two things are at play here. First, they put you on Notifications; meaning every time you tweet -- they get a ding. Ew. The other thing is that they're establishing that you're super bff's. Double ew.
Snapchats Upon Snapchats Following More Unanswered Snapchats About Nothing
You're getting random selfies about absolutely nothing. You don't answer, and that only sets up more selfies. Then more of them. All of them look the same and none of them are about anything in particular -- just selfies you didn't ask for.
They Subscribe To All Of Your Spotify Playlists
They randomly friend you out of nowhere and three days later they decide to subscribe to "Georgia Road Trip Mix 2013." Not just play, but subscribe. Darn you, Spotify-Facebook integration.
Random Event Invites To Things Having Nothing To Do With Your Interests
At what point did you give off the vibe that you'd be really into an IMAX screening of "You Got Served 2"? Why are you being invited to this? Why are you being invited to anything at all? Who is this? Prank call, prank call。
The Notifications Come At All Hours Of The Day
If it seems like all they have to do is sit on the computer and phone, going through your social media -- it's probably because they are. The whole day. All the time.
They Add You To Their Google+ Circle
Nobody uses Google+. Google employees don't use Google+. Anyone who adds you to Google+ is like a phone call that comes after 9 PM. Nothing good can come of it.
You End Up In Three Consecutive #FF Tweets Despite Not Being Particularly Interesting On Twitter
You maybe only tweet now and then, and really about nothing at all -- yet there you are in a #FF tweet. Why? Did you do something of note that you deserve a Follow Friday shoutout? Or are they once again just trying to establish a BFF-ship that's not there?
...And Then They Show Up
Granted it's too late at that point, but when she shows up where you are -- the rails have been exited.