Toxic people can be very damaging to our lives. They can suck the life right out of you with constant complaints and negativity, manipulation, gossip, selfishness and dependency. They can cause depression and anxiety, which can lead to other health problems. These people should be eliminated from your life as soon as possible.
First, Who Should be Removed?
People who use you. We all use people to some degree. Who should stay in our lives is based on how they benefit us, so it’s normal. However, there are some people who take it to an extreme and how they use us ends up hurting us. These people suck the lives out of us like parasites, taking but never giving.
People who always hurt you. Some people just always seem to hurt us, no matter how much they say they care about us. In some cases we mistake the hurt we feel for caring about what they think of us, so we keep them around letting them hurt us repeatedly.
People who insult you behind your back while being a “friend” to your face. These people tend to be cowards, afraid to speak their minds. But when they repeatedly talk about you and insult you to others which can damage your reputation, you should remove this person permanently.
People who continually lie to you. No one wants to be surrounded by lies, so if someone is always lying to you, then they are untrustworthy and should not be in your life.
People who hold you back. As we move through life, our hopes, dreams and values change. Some people don’t like these changes and continually try to hold you back, keeping you from growing as a person and perhaps bettering yourself.
People who pull you back into an old lifestyle. Many people do stupid things when they’re young, but can move past those misadventures. There are some people that will continue to try to drag you back into bad habits. You really need to get rid of toxic friends like this before they cause further damage.
How to Remove Someone from Your Life
Recognize the people who need to be removed from your life. Recognizing who should be removed from your life can be determined by asking yourself how you feel after being with a certain person. And you can also refer to the suggestions we mentioned above. Once you have identified those who could be damaging to you and possibly other relationships, you know who to remove from your life or who you need to limit your time with. If someone is draining your energy, then they may be someone who needs to be removed from your life.
Establish solid boundaries. This is necessary to maintain your health and sanity. The people who don’t respect you won’t respect your boundaries, but you must stick to them and don’t apologize. When they start complaining about something, tell them you cannot talk at the moment. If they ask for a monetary loan, tell them you cannot help. Be prepared for them to try and make you feel guilty for not being there for them. Stay firm in your choices and let them know you won’t be part of their drama anymore.
Have a talk. If setting up boundaries doesn’t work, you will have to sit the person down and talk them plainly about the situation. Explain that you can no longer be friends and why. It might seem harsh, but it can be done. If you think the relationship has a chance, then it’s worth a try to talk to them. Maybe the person is just going through a difficult time, but talking to them can change how they deal with you. But it’s okay if you tell them you don’t want to see them again.
Learn to say no. You need to focus on your own needs and if someone needs to be removed from your life, then you can start by telling them “no”. This can be difficult, but you must pay attention to your needs. Very needy people will always expect you to be there and can drain your energy. Unless you learn to say no to those who should be removed from your life, you will continue to be sucked into their drama, which is usually of their own making.
Drift away from the relationship. This may seem cowardly, but it may be the only way to finally remove someone from your life. Stop answering phone calls, emails or text messages. Don’t interact with them on social media, either. This just continues the cycle. Avoiding people who need to be removed from your life might be difficult at first, but eventually they will get the hint. Many relationships in our lives can end this way naturally after they’ve run their course so it can be done.
- Don’t talk to the person or talk about the person to anyone. If not talking to someone permanently is not an option, then limit your contact as much as possible. If the person has done something hurtful and you want to talk about it, do so with a professional or therapist.
- Don’t look at the person’s Facebook page. Better yet, unfollow them and turn off any notifications from them. Avoid looking at any of this person’s social media pages, whether it’s twitter or another site. It may be tempting, but don’t do it.
- Music can trigger memories, so try to avoid listening to anything that may remind you of the person. Create new music playlists for yourself. Include songs with better memories or something not related to the person at all.
- Get involved with new people or engage in new situations. Focus yourself in new directions away from the toxic person you’re avoiding. And avoid situations that may remind you of the person or that the other person enjoyed.
- Always remember to surround yourself with people who uplift you and are good to you and for you and visit places that make you happy. This will help you keep a positive attitude and make you feel better about getting rid of a toxic man from your life.