To be or not to be! This is the question most men look to answer when considering fatherhood. You have probably noticed how much women love looking at babies whenever they come across one. Then when they go home, the first thing they discuss with their significant others may be the idea of having their own little bundle of joy. While the man will almost immediately agree, they will start to have second thoughts once reality sinks in.
The good news is that it is perfectly normal to develop cold feet when it comes to fatherhood. When it happens, you need to analyze the situation and find out why you're so afraid of it. Once you address the fears, you will be able to enjoy the idea and even fall in love with becoming a father.
Why Are You Afraid of Being a Father?
What Kind of a Father Will I Be?
This is one of the questions men ask themselves when they are afraid of fatherhood. Not being ready for fatherhood and not becoming a good father are some of their greatest fears. This is understandable since becoming a father calls for personal sacrifice and developing wisdom which is needed for positive parenting.
To overcome this fear, you need to make the decision to be a good father. Dedicate time to create a bond with your child and learn from the experiences of other fathers.
Am I Financially Ready?
We live in a world where raising a child involves making a lot of sacrifices, not just in terms of time, but also financially. There are a lot of financial responsibilities that will come in when you become a parent.
The fear of financial responsibility should not stop you from having a baby. Simply plan ahead. You can choose a few luxuries you can sacrifice and instead channel the funds to parenting. With proper financial arrangement, you will hardly feel the financial implication for choosing to be a parent.
Am I Strong Enough to Go Through Labor?
Giving life is one of the miracles of life. Unfortunately, nothing in this life can prepare you enough for labor. Unless you're a medical practitioner, childbirth introduces you to a whole new perspective to life. If you are not prepared, it can be draining and even traumatic. But not to worry, with a little help you will be fine.
The best way to make sure you do not pass out during labor is to sign up for childbirth classes. This will make it clearer for you on the role you play as the father in the labor room.
Will I Ever Enjoy Sleep Again?
If you enjoy your sleep, you might be afraid of fatherhood because this will change that. While having a newborn baby means sometimes staying up at night, this sacrifice is so much worth it.
You two can come up with a sleeping schedule. You can agree on the days each stays up at night and who looks after the baby in daytime. This will be determined by your work schedules too.
Will My Wife’s Love for the Child Change How She Feels about Me?
It is normal to be afraid of losing yourself in the process of loving your child. While your wife will shift her focus more towards the child, you really have nothing to worry about.
Talk to your wife about your concerns. She will understand how important it is for you to feel that she still cares even as she adjusts to being a mom.
Will I Have to Stop Doing the Things I Love?
Some men are afraid that they will have to stop doing the things they enjoy, like playing video games and drinking every night.
While things will change, you don’t have to completely give up on activities you enjoy. You only need to manage your time. Make time for yourself. A little personal time is still important for your well-being.
Will My Baby Be Normal?
Every parent wants a healthy, normal baby. This is not something you should worry about. Get some tests done to address your fears.
Your doctor can run tests on you and your spouse to determine whether there are any health concerns. Also, your family health history might be looked into.
What If I Work Away From Home?
Working overseas or far from your family can be a reason to be afraid of fatherhood.
However, with the advancement in technology, it is possible to spend a bit time with your child virtually. Video calls can go a long way in helping to create a bond with your child. This way, you won’t be a stranger when you come home after being away for some time.
Will I Be Able to Soothe Her When She Is Upset?
Most parents are terrified that they won’t be able to calm their baby when it is upset.
While it is the mom’s job to calm a baby, the dad too can do it. Simply take time to learn what the baby likes and what calms them. With time, you will have known what to do whenever they cry.
Will It Affect Our Sex Life?
This is one of the most common reasons of why men are afraid of being a father.
When your lover becomes a new mom, a few things might change. This is because she will be drained most of the time. Even so, this will not last too long. A little patience and help will help to get her back on track.
Will I Always Have a Mess at My House?
With a new baby comes new responsibilities. One of the areas you need to get a schedule for is the house. Kids can be messy.
It is important to work with your spouse to maintain some order.
Can I Really Keep the Child Safe?
Ability to keep a newborn safe is one of the major reasons men are afraid of fatherhood. It is not that hard to keep the baby safe.
You just need to let it grow on you. You can take up measures like baby proofing the house and getting a baby crib. A stroller for the times you are out as well as a car seat will come in handy.
More Fears Men Have Said About Being a Father
Not knowing how to love unconditionally
Race-based social discrimination over the ability of being a good father
Bringing home a different baby from the hospital
Your children will notice and take advantage of your weaknesses
Details like how to tell if the baby is sleeping and feeding enough
Not being able to relate with the child, especially daughters
Not giving them enough attention or giving them too much attention
How to train them to be responsible adults
How to teach them to be decent human beings, etc.